Some of the hardest days........

Recently I've had some of the bluest, toughest moments ever.Everything has just hit me like a ton of bricks.This last seizure Daniel had coughing up blood, choking,turning blue and unresponsive was just awful.His seizures have always been horrible,but lately they seem to continue to get worse.

Ariel's had so many issues between seizures,kidney,stomach,wrists you name it.Not sure if this is all part of this syndrome or not,but I suspect it is.


We've had a lot of losses recently due to SUDEP(Sudden,Unexplained,Death in Epilepsy Patients) I wrote more in detail about it here:
http://marrerofamilymakingthemostoflife.blogspot.com/2011/10/sudep-sudden-unexplained-epilepsy.html

I think this is something that all parents of kids with Epilepsy,especially when it is Intractable fear.
Something I try not to think about a lot,but it is always on the back of your mind.

Last week I sat in a little coffee shop reading my Bible and meditating on it.I especially like to read the Psalms during blue periods.I had been thinking about things and thinking why? It's feels so unfair sometimes.My kids should be doing what all the other kids their ages are doing.This syndrome has not only wiped their bodies of so many things and has caused so many physical problems,but has completely wiped their brains of so many things,like memory,thinking skills,understanding and has also caused horrible sensory issues ,especially with Ariel.Crowds absolutely make her shudder,whether it be at church a restaurant or wherever.

I was reading in Ecclesiastes about life and the meaning of life and realized that some of the things that I've been so desperately clinging to the Bible calls vanity.Not that God doesn't want you to have an abundant,rich and joyful life,but if that means serving God making the most of each day God has given us, then so be it.Even if that means just doing the mundane,day to day things.

 None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.Our life is but a vapor.

²⁵Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
²⁶Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
²⁷Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
²⁸And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
²⁹And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
³⁰Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
³¹Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
³²(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
³³But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and
all these things shall be added unto you.

Also:
Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.



What I take from this is that God knows our needs and he shall supply them,no matter what it is.I think it's sometimes the timing part that trips us up.

That's why I'm learning to praise God through life storms,but it sure isn't easy.
http://marrerofamilymakingthemostoflife.blogspot.com/2012/03/praising-god-through-storms-of-life_7991.html

The love of God.

We had a wonderful sermon on Sunday about the love of God.When we think of love,especially around Valentine's Day I really don't think we comprehend what true love is really like.Unfortunately what we see in society as love is really not genuine love at all.We see so many marriages end in divorce these days,why? Usually you will hear people say "Well I fell out of love with that person."

What we think of as love is something played out on a television show or movie,that's usually more lust than love or some sappy words in a Hallmark card.Not that Hallmark cards can't be nice,but what God's love is, is AGAPE love a never ending love.He loved us when we hated,despised and rejected him.

1 John 4:9-10

King James Version (KJV)

 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Even though we hated and rejected God he loved us enough to send his son to die for us.We can say those words and in a way we've heard them so much that in some ways they have seem to have lost their meaning,but if you think of it this way you can get a better understanding.Think of your precious children your son or your daughter,whom you would lay down your life for.Think of them having to give up their lives so another may live,how tough would that be?
It might be extremely tough,but if that person is grateful and loving for the sacrifice they made it might be more acceptable.
Now think of your son or daughter giving up their life for someone that hates and despises them.You would think how could that person be so ungrateful?
That's AGAPE love that's the love God had for us in sending Jesus to die for us.

John 3:16

King James Version (KJV)

 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Now here is the second part,one of the harder parts,loving our enemies and one another.

1 John 4:20-21

King James Version (KJV)

 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

How can we love God with the same mouth that also curses our brother.A person that God created in his own image.

As our pastor said you may think "God give me the strength to love this person," but that person could be thinking the same thing about you.

Romans 12:14-21

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁴Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
¹⁵Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
¹⁶Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
¹⁷Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
¹⁸If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
¹⁹Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
²⁰Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
²¹Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Believe me these things I write are a conviction to myself.

I think this is an area we can all struggle with at times.Even Paul struggled: 

Romans 7:14¹⁴For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. ¹⁵For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. ¹⁶If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. ¹⁷Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. ¹⁸For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. ¹⁹For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. ²⁰Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. ²¹I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. ²²For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: ²³But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. ²⁴O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? ²⁵I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. 

I am so thankful God's mercies are new every day.I fail and fall so many times and I often get discouraged,but I think those are the times we are trying to do things on our own strength.It's only through God's love,grace and power the we can we get away from our sinful nature and walk more according to his Word.

Finally do you know how The Bible says we can identify ourselves? It's by our love.

John 13:34-36

King James Version (KJV)

³⁴A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
³⁵By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

 

 

By our love towards one another we are showing that we are his disciples.It's certainly eye opening that anytime I'm not showing that genuine love or AGAPE love my light is a little less bright.

 

 

 

Trusting in The Lord and fiery darts from the devil.

Hello friends,Well yesterday was not a good day.It was one of those days,where everything that could go wrong did.I'm sure you've all had those kind of days.

We have been under a lot of stress and strain lately.Financial,medical,family issues you name it.I'm sure most of you can relate to the financial issues.There aren't too many people that haven't been affected by the economy,but when you add medical bills,co-pays,prescriptions,the price of gas going to and from appointments, it can certainly empty your wallet quickly and bring a lot of financial strain and pressure.

 Not to mention the stress of seeing your child(ren) fight medical affliction all the time.One of the things that I noticed Satan loves to do when you're all flustered and stressed is to add his fiery darts, to hopefully push you over the edge and to take your focus off of God and trusting in him.

I had so many stresses yesterday and  then to top it off I get  a very accusatory phone call from a family member.It was like one of those fiery darts going right through my heart ,to think this person would think so little of me as to accuse me of something so ridiculous, it really broke my heart,especially since they know me better than that.  

   John 10:10
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Satan's sole purpose in life is to Steal,Kill and Destroy.                                                  

So if he can Steal your joy,your faith in God your happiness,then he's done his job.

If he can Kill your physical body,your will to live,your reason for life,then he's done his job.

If he can Destroy your family,your home,your trust,your faith,then he's done his job.

The key to remember is
Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

 The person that called me yesterday was being used as a tool of Satan to get my focus off of God.Satan is very crafty that way.He will use those that matter to you most to hurt you, and to take your focus away from where it should be.

 I'll admit when it happened I didn't do what I should have done ,which was to drop everything and pray for that person and the situation,instead I got angry,hurt and bitter.

 It was bad for me and a bad example for my children.It's like Paul says in

 Romans 7:14
¹⁴For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
¹⁵For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
¹⁶If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
¹⁷Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
¹⁸For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
¹⁹For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
²⁰Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
²¹I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
²²For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
²³But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
²⁴O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
²⁵I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.  

                                       

It seems like I'm constantly wrestling with myself,or my flesh.
The things I want to do and know I should do, I don't do, and the things that I want to restrain from,those are the things I always find myself doing.It's like a giant tug o' war.

The thing to remember is Jesus says in John 10:10: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Jesus wants to give you abundant life,which is also a joyful life.

Finally remember and this is a huge reminder to myself as well.                                      

Jesus says in Matthew 6:25:

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

²⁶Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
²⁷Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

²⁸And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
²⁹And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

³⁰Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
³¹Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
³²(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
³³But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
³⁴Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

I pray that God will help me to remember these things.Today,tomorrow and forever.